Anonymous Sai Devotee sharing this experience with fellow devotees.

Hi, I am a 20 year old girl from USA. I was on the brink of atheism/utter indifference to God, when Baba came in my life and in His inexplicable ways pulled me to Him with His love and mercy. I am a very spiritually unread person, have probably finished only one Sai Vrat fully properly, have not kept most of the vows I took for Baba, and neither have I led a completely truthful or ideal life. But in spite of everything, Baba has repeatedly shown me the truth in His words, that if a devotee takes just ONE step towards Baba, Baba will take 10 steps towards the devotee. I have truly done nothing to deserve Baba's love and presence in my life-it is purely His forgiving all my faults that I make, and always showing me New ways to love Him. I wish to share a few simple incidents that took place in my life, which resounded in me hundred times and bolstered my faith in Him, my Guru.

1. Writing this entry today
I had been reading wonderful entries posted by fellow Sai devotees here for a few days, and have been wanting to write about my experiences. But I have often felt hesitant and inadequate to write anything, feeling that I would never be able to express Baba's grace in my life properly. Today morning, being a Thursday and also a very important day for me for other reasons, while praying to Baba I decided that I would post an entry here today. But now, at night 1:15AM, I was about to sleep, having forgotten about it /not feeling confident enough. But suddenly, a burning sensation began in my palm. It slowly increased , until I could not lie down or sleep. It felt like my right palm was burning. I got very worried and wondered why this was happening, and suddenly remembered my promise to write an entry today. I got up from bed and have now started writing this. Indeed, this itself is Sai's Grace that He has corrected another lapse of mine, and is enabling me to Praise him in my flawed words.

2. Getting Sai's Photo
I did not know anything about Sai Baba until college started. In First year of college, my mother took me to a nearby temple (she also was not a Sai devotee). First time after seeing Baba's life-size idol there, I just prayed like to any other God (without much devotion). Whenever anyone had asked me who my favourite God was, I would always say "I dont really have one...I just pray just like that". But slowly, during first year of college, I found myself visiting Sai temple often, and used to just sit there and stare at Sai idol for long minutes, wondering why it seemed like Baba's eyes were so kind and as though they were talking to me. Soon, whenever someone asked, I found myself telling them "Sai Baba is my favourite God. I am Sai's daughter". I never read Sai leelas or knew about Sai Satcharitra or Sai bhajans. But Baba's grace still pulled undeserving me to Him. When I went to India for summer vacation after finishing first year of college, I went to a distant relative's house (which I was arguing with my mom that I did not want to go). In their house, my mom and aunts were talking, and I was bored and wandering here and there, and I happened to stop in their Pooja room. There, in front of me, was a BEAUTIFUL Sai Photo. I stood mesmerized, lost in Sai's eyes, as I felt "How lucky they are to have Sai in their Pooja room!". The uncle in the house asked me "why are you staring at Sai? Are you Sai Devotee?" I said "I love Sai Baba". Soon, we said bye and left the house.


A few days later, MOST unexpectedly, these VERY distant relatives and I met again in a marraige, and MORE shockingly, the uncle had with him a big wrapped package and said it was for me and left it with my mom. On finding and opening it, I saw none other than our Beautiful Kind Sai Baba blessing me through a big photo that I can now hang on my pooja room in my house in US.


I cannot tell the warmt and love and gratitude that came in my heart for Sai. Without me even asking or thinking of where to buy, Sai blessed me not just from His temple , but also decided to Grace our Home and let me pray him everyday from there. Oh Sai! Your grace and Mercy know no bound!

3. Sai in my dreams
I read some devotees' experience where Sai seems abuldant in every aspect of their life. Seeing Sai in agnis, seeing Sai vibudhi in photo, seeing Sai in Shirdi....none of these have ever happened to me. I must be such a sinner that having lived in India for the first 15 years of my life, I have never had even one chance to go to Shirdi. Yet Sai always lets me know that He is there, in some way or the other. Only once or twice has Sai ever come in my dreams . I remember one time very clearly. I am a devotee of Shirdi Sai only, and had almost no thuoghts about Puttapurthi Sai Baba. But a lot of my very close relatives had come in direct contact with Him, and had their lives changed by Puttaparthi Baba, and told me of these incidents. I respected and bowed to Putttaparthi Baba, but always prayed to Shirdi Sai only. In that form of Baba only, I, the un-elevated creature, could love Baba. However, one night, Puttaparthi Sai Baba came in my dreams.

 He sat in front of me, and I found myself suddenly transported to a state of pure bliss. To this day, I feel, what wouldn't I do to expreience that for just 1 more minute! I felt as though I was floating, as though I was bliss itself. I bowed down to Puttaparthi Sai, joy and bliss overcoming my very being. As I looked up and gazed at Sai, thinking, "Oh Baba! Wont you give me grace in the Form that  so Love and Worship!?" he suddenly transformed into Shirdi Sai, and even now, tears come into my eyes thinking of Sai. That was the one vision that Sai Gave me that I still remember clearly, Baba's Infinite Grace and Mercy that he showed on unworthy me. In my dreams, my ecstacy reached unspeakable heights as I got darshan of Shirdi Sai, and he told me to do Abhishek for Him. When I woke up in the morning, I told my mom about Abhishekam for Sai Baba. This happened in Chennai. We did Baba Abhishekam in Shrdi Sai temple in Mylapore, where, heartwarmingly, after the Abhishek, they gave a silver coin with Sai Baba drawing engraved in that, that I wear to this day, All due to His Grace.

4. Baba in times of trouble
A couple of years ago, my family was in dire financial trouble. I will not go into details, but the burden bore by my parents could not be seen by me. I was in pain, feeling helpless that I could not help them, and feeling pained that my semester fees due in a couple of weeks, only added to their worries that they never expressed to me. After doing Sai Vrat for a few weeks, I was at the lowest point of discouragement and hopelessness, and visited Sai temple that day. I was just staring into Baba's eyes, asking Him why He wasnt helping me? Isn't Baba my Father? Won't he take care of me? 


I had my parttime job after that, so I left for my workplace after visiting the temple. As I was stepping into the office, I almost had tears at my eyes, about the situation and about Baba's refusal to help me. Just as I entered the office, I heard one of the ladies telling another loudly "My parents in Kerala visit this Swamiji there regularly, who they believe in a LOT. That Swamiji is mostly always quiet in deep meditation but never ever talks. TOday, when they were visiting him, suddenly he opened his eyes, looked directly at them and told them "Sai Baba always told his devotees to have faith and patience". My parents were stunned and did not know what to make of this, as neither were they Sai Baba devotees, and neither has this Swamiji spoken like this before.". I heard this exactly as I was entering the office, and tears came to my eyes, as I realized Baba's wonder. Baba had spoken to me, to console me, to strengthen me, through a Swamiji I dont even know, through the parents of a co worker I never talk to. Even thinking about this today, I am moved to the depths. What did I do to deserve this kindness from Baba? I dont know, and Im sure the answer is nothing. Baba's unconditional love for his devotees is our Blessing. His ways are miraculous, and mysterious- but in whatever way He chooses, He will Grace his Devotee through in tough times.

A final thought:
There have been times when I have gone to Shirdi Sai temple and cried my heart out in front of Baba (strangely, the temple was empty at these times). There have been times when I was too sick to move from my bed and cried and begged to Baba from my bed. Being a Sai Devotee does not mean one is absolved from suffering any of life's problems. I have taken several resolutions to do Sai Vrat;s and broken most of them (as I was not able to fast). Yet Sai Baba does not punish me. In his subtle ways, he shows me the Path everytime I go wrong. And I go wrong in every action I do. I am a flawed human being, as most of us are, but Sai loves us. if we make one step towards him, he will make 10 towards us. It is my humble word to fellow devotees: if you are in tough times, never doubt Baba's presence in your life. ABove i listed just 4 small incidents, but there are several in which I felt Baba never heard me, I cried, broke in agony, felt deserted by Baba. Just 20, I have seen some terrible struggles in life that had me doubting everything. But today, though not everything is OK , I can see that Baba was there, Baba is there, Baba always will be there. If something does not happen in spite of your prayers, it is Baba's decision. He is saving you from a trouble you aren't able to see. If something good happens, that is also Baba's grace. There IS no bad that can happen to us, as even what we consider bad is another form of Baba's love for us--we just do not understand it enough. 

I hope Baba forgives me for any mistakes that I might have made in something I said. All love and pranams to Sai Baba- my Father, my Guru.